Anytime: Williamsburg

I'm hungry. I decide to brave delivery. My benefactor tells me of a service that delivers a vast array of items - Anytime. "There's one in Manhattan and Brooklyn," he says.

Anytime: Williamsburg. (718) 218-7272. I call...

"Anytime..." Silence.

"Uh, I'd like to make an order for delivery," I say, confidently.

"Ok, this first time order?" he asks quickly. "Yeah," I say.

"Number?... Address?... Apartment... Cross Street?... I need the other cross street, sir." There is a void to him; there is no patience. He repeats the last four digits of my phone number. "Uh, huh." He repeats them again. I repeat them to him. "Ok, your order..."

"How about..." I begin. He stops me. "One moment." He clicks over.

He clicks back. "Ok, what can I get you?"

"Two Anytime Burgers," I order. "Sides?"

I panic. "Fries?" "No fries, sir" he says. He's starting to get annoyed, but no fries? "Uh, how about felafel?"

"We don't have felafel, sir!" I am staring at the menu. Felafel balls are $4.50. I go silent. I shut down...

"We have fries, baked, mashed..." He begins listing the side options, and the beginning of the list begins with fries! I manage to tell him, "yeah, fries please..."

"Will there be anything else, sir?" he asks.

At this point, I thought everything between us had been solved. As if it were only a big misunderstanding. Yeah, they had fries. Yeah, they have falafel balls.

"How about an order of the felafel balls?" I ask. A different tone of voice, a few different details - I figure if I ask him nicely, it'll all just work out.

"Sir, WE don't have felafel! Will that be all?"

"Yeah..." I was baffled. What exactly had just taken place? How could calling a late night delivery service prove such a challenge?

Instantly, he lightens up. "Thirty to forty minutes, sir." I hang up. The city is laughing at me.

(Incidentally, the "Anytime Burger" was pretty much incredible when it arrived...)